kellyluck

Okay so this is alot harder than I thought, as a matter of fact I never gave it any thought at all.  I joined a gym and was so excited, this was going to be it…the wieght would fall right off now.  No such luck.  The only results I am seeing is exhaustion, fatigue, soreness, and hunger.  I feel so out of sorts and off balance.  Am I not eating enough? Maybe just not the right foods.  Am I exercising too much?  I had to sit back and assess the whole picture.  I have come up with an answer and it is that all of this is true.  I was working out an hour and a half a day in the evenings and not eating enough and not eating healthy foods.  I am going to cut back to about thirty minutes to an hour a day and I am going to do my best to eat at the very least 1200 cal but more likely 1500.  Hopefully this will create a balance I can live with and not feel as though I am suffering from some severe illness like I have been.  This new lifestyle thing is alot of work.  Wish me luck.

It has been quite a while since I have been online but I had no intranet and life just seemed to be getting in the way. I have lost my way on this journey and feel I need to come back to the begining or at least where I left off. I can’t seem to get my diet right. I try and start out great with all great intentions, I know what to do, what to eat and what not to eat but always seem to be put in a position where I find it difficult to stick to my guns. I work in the mall so I have all that great food out there, I bring food with me to help battle the urge but sometimes I lose. I also have been skipping dinner as I start work at 5pm and have to leave at 4pm to get there on time and don’t get but a 15min break and that isn’t until about 7pm. So I can only get a snack in in that 15min time slot. Then I go to the gym on my way home and work out for about an hour and a half. By the time I get home I am famished and just want to pull a chair up in front of the fridge and have at it. I have also been really busy here lately and dont have time to log my food so that isn’t helping either. My mind just feels so cluttered right now, I can’t even think straight enough to map out a strong eating strategy. Maybe I should resort to premade diet dinners like wieght watchers and lean cuisine in my time of need.

I got on the scale again this morning(2nd time this week)just to give me a starting weight for my full blown weight watchers diet I am starting. Well to my astonishment the 3lbs I was crying about only 2 days ago are gone! I am back to my 176lbs. I know that they always say you have to eat at least 1200 cal a day but I dont feel that is true. I lose when I eat about 800 cal a day. I was watching a show on Discovery Health the other night about gastric bypass surgery and these women were only eating about 500 cal a day and losing weight like crazy. So it makes no sense to me. I think everyone is different and so are our caloric needs. We just have to find what works for us. Your metabolism is based on how much muscle you have, not on how much you eat. If your body went into “starvation mode” when you didn’t eat enough then anorixics would be fat and people wouldn’t starve to death. I know you are not supposed to lose it to fast cause it is to hard to keep it off but I have learned that my body only needs about 800-1000 cal a day so that is what I have to teach myself to eat-forever. It really isn’t that bad if you chose nutritous foods.

Sorry I am a chatter box this morning, lack of adult conversation will do that to you. I had a revelation. I have a real problem with eating from dinner time to bedtime. I do great all day and then night time comes and it all goes to he**. I have decided that when I am craving something I am not going to eat it, I am going to write it down in a journal I call the day off journal. I am taking sundays off from the “diet” thing, so in my journal I will write down all the things I am craving through the week and then on Sunday I will pick some (not sure how many I should allow myself) and eat them on that day. This way it gives me control, time to get over the craving without feeling like I am completely denying myself, and something to look forward too. I think this could work. Go Me!!!

I was so discouraged yesterday at my gain on the scale that I didn’t take note of the other changes that mark success. First I simply went to scratch an itch on my upper arm and when I did I felt like I was scratching someone elses arm LOL. It was firm with lots of muscle tone underneath, was this my arm? Wow it was and look no jiggle! Then during my walk on my treadmill, which I have in front of a giant mirror, I noticed my calves are way smaller than they were a few months ago(that must be why I was able to buy a pair of calf high boots and have them fit around my calves, something I couldn’t do last winter cause I couldn’t find a pair to fit my calves).  So I decided to measure, what the hell. Well I lost another inch in my waist(that is a total of 5 inches off my waist alone)and an inch off my butt(that is a total of 3 inches off my butt). Why aren’t my clothes fitting loser? I must have been wearing them awful tight, it’s a no wonder I was so uncomfortable-LOL. I can do this, I know I can. I don’t know why I get so upset. I just have to learn to measure success in more ways than that stupid scale-who knows maybe gravity was up, not my weight-yeh thats it-gravity-LOL. Have a great day everyone.

I am losing my ambition. I feel lost and confused on this journey. I was doing so well eating only healthy foods and keeping it within my ranges but I got bored. I am bored of the food I was eating, I like it just bored of it. I was eating alot of fish and I am fished out, also chicken and salad, yogurt, fresh fruit and veggies. I am bored now, so I switched to some weight watchers meals but I have gained 3lbs. I feel my cravings coming back and my mood swings are returning also. This is soooooooo freakin hard and frustrating. I slip up one time and I pay for it for 3 weeks. It takes me a week to lose one pound and only one day to gain 3. I dont know what to do, I exercise like I am supposed too, even more than I am supposed to. I know that there is a possibility that it is muscle that I have gained but my clothes are not getting any looser and when I measure I always wonder if I am doing it in the same place as before. I dont know what to do. I want this sooooo bad but keep hitting a brick wall. I have only lost 10lbs in 3 months and now I have gained 4 of those back. I am gaining a fear of food that cant be healthy, I am so discouraged that I dont want to ever eat again. I am afraid that if I eat anything I will gain wieght, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about exercising cause I dont want to gain weight. This cant be good for me, I need help bad.

since I blogged. I haven’t had much to say. I do want to ask…why is it you can put on 3lbs over night and it takes 2 weeks to lose it? This baffles me. Another thing, has anyone done slimfast? I am trying it along with weight watchers for dinner and I am starving! I could go without eating all day without being hungry, now I have slimfast for breakfast and lunch and by dinner I am starving and have a hard time not overeating at night. Does anyone have any suggestions for an appetite suppresent? Seriously I want to try one, I know that diet pills dont work but I just need something to curb  my appetite a little.

There is not just one way to count your success, let me tell you a short story. I hit my mini goal so as a reward my family and I went out to eat(we also had nothing at the house to eat). We dont have much money so we just went to McDonalds. I got a number 2 which is a quarter pounder with cheese medium fries and a drink(diet coke) then I got an M&M McFlurry for dessert. I didnt eat anything else all day thank god or this would have hurt me terribley. I am going to count the trip as a success on my wiegth loss journey because it was gross, I didn’t like it at all. I use to love this food and crave the McFlurry. I was so disappointed, all I wanted was to go back in time and change my reward to a nice homeade fruit and yogurt parfait and then a glass of wine later. What was I thinking? So it is true that it just takes time to change our way of thinking and our way of eating and our old habits, so dont give up in time you can change.

I finally did it, I reached my mini goal that I thought I would never get to. It is wierd I am not as excited as I thought I would be. I guess deep down I knew I was doing good and expected it. Anyway I am still happy. I also realized earlier in the week that my goal wieght was unrealistic so I changed that also. If when I get to my goal wieght I feel I want to do more I will but for now I set it at a goal I am sure I can reach as I have done it before. I also have an incentive unlike any other, my wonderful hubby said that if I follow through with this wieght loss when we get our taxes back I can get a tummy tuck!!!! I have wanted one for 19yrs(since I had my first baby). I am so happy, a flat stomach again!

Thanks for the comment on my blog, I appreaciate you all so much. I do feel better now, thank you for reminding me of why I am doing this. I just get down sometimes when I dont get out and the stress of money is another issue adding to it all. I sometimes need to look around and be thankful for all I have rather than sour for what I dont. My life could be alot worse. I love you all for your support, I soooo wish we lived closer, with friends like I have here my life is full. Thank you.